Mafia Gazette Past Issue 46
'The Mafia Gazette Issue 46 ' For All The News That Is News Tuesday 25th October 'WAR RAGES BETWEEN GANGS ' Two rival gangs are currently battling on the east coast of the country. Vegas and LA have been a war zone in the back streets and the fight has also gone inland as far as a Denver and Dallas as the rivals shoot out their differences. The fight began with a contracted hit being taken out and the Wild Boys, working for the Contractor taking shots at members of Chido. The first contract that the Gazette was aware of was taken out on Sonny Andolini, an undisclosed six figure sum paid by LittleCeez, a citizen who appears to be running a contracts business. This attack led to retribution shots from other members of the Chido family, with more return fire from the WildBoys. This ongoing war has seen many from Chido fall as well as many of the WildBoys, with seven at least being claimed in the Obits last night. Over the weekend, the WildBoys appeared to have the upper hand in the fight with Sonny, Regg1e2, BertoneJr and others from Chido being killed. The boss of Chido, Fedaykin, has also been targeted although it is unclear as to whether LittleCeez has put a figure on his head, or whether this is simply action from the WildBoys in an attempt to remove the whole Chido clan from the streets. A further complication has also arisen with the joining in of the UN following the death of Uncle-Nicky, also at the hands of the WildBoys, which was also contracted from LittleCeez. With the amount of hits they have been responsible for, including that of GroveST, there is little wonder at them being hunted as they are. The war is continuing, and it is uncertain how much longer it can be sustained, although both sides seem to be keeping the numbers fairly stable with new recruits from slain member’s family and friends joining the fray when others are killed. We at the Gazette hope to be able to bring you more on this story as we have it. At the time of writing, no comment had yet been received from LittleCeez as to his part in the actions or reasons for the hits placed. 'BOSS OF THE PRIESTHOOD SLAIN- FAMILY IN TURMOIL ' Following the death of Paulo-gismondo over the weekend, the Priesthood Family has been thrown into turmoil. The leadership was handed over to Hektor who was promoted to Made on the death of Paulo, however this has not been received well by some of the members. Hektor, despite his seniority of age, has apparently been one of the quieter members of the Priesthood, not making much of a name for himself, and has been seen as the wrong choice as there were stronger, more vocal members waiting for the opportunity to lead their own sections of the family. There have even been rumours that some of the more disgruntled members may leave the family altogether to set out on their own away from the new Made Man. Others have said they are prepared to groom the new Made and act as advisors through the transitional period as he takes over the running of the family. The Priesthood is still being spoken about on the streets, with the leadership skills of Paulo still being questioned days after his death. This subject may become relevant in the coming days as the new leader, Hektor steps into the shoes of the dead Boss. 'HOW TO BE AN EVIL OVERLORD IN 100 EASY STEPS - PART 2 ' By Randle McMurphy - I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat. - One of my advisors will be a 10 year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation. - All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal. - The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, last cigarette, or any other form of last request. - I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate once the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation. - I will never utter the sentence, “But before I kill you, there is just one thing I want to know…” - When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice. - I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time. - I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero’s rugged countenance and she’d betray her own Father. - Despite it’s proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it’s too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly. To be continued… 'IN SEARCH OF A MOTHER? ' By Ms. T Da Bizzle After much speculation surrounding my father, Mystery MiSTie's death many questions were asked, who did it? Why would they do it? Why did they take so god damn long? Where are his smelly trousers? Etc, etc, the list is endless. But the most important of these questions is who is the mother of his Child MalvinSimon_Theodore (yes it says Malvin not Alvin quite clearly Alvin stole the M from ChipMunks, please check the badges). Mystery MiSTie was a notorious whore and had many lovers ranging from Puck, Garrett Tie to even the female kind like Beautiful Distraction, Papillion and there are even unfounded rumours that he had a fling with CarmelaDeAngelis. A lot of the speculation around the death of Mystery MiSTie was that his lovers all got upset. Anyway at the end of the day we have been left with one lost and confused little gangster who only want his mummy. There is a reward for finding his mother it consists of $1 a stick of gum and one night with TieDomi as his plaything. Any clues please post replies to the paper who will be assisting Malvin in his search. 'NEWS FLASH ' Tanzini's rises to their feet once again!!! Learn more about it in the streets under the thread "Tanzini Once Again!" Tom, Miguel, DeepWound and TieDomi will be running Tanzini NEWS FLASH GET IT WHILE IT LAST!!! 'LETTERS PAGE ' HORSE APPEAL Everyone that reads this paper knows the hard work and dedication that Carmela, the finest Editor known, puts in. It has recently come to my attention that Carmela for all of her hard work cannot even afford the one luxury item she craves, a fine Stallion by the name of Evil Brat. Evil Brat is currently on sale for $2,000,000, which Carmela cannot in any way afford. This is therefore an APPEAL for all readers, especially the well-heeled ones, to donate to Carmela so that she can buy her horse. She wants that specific horse due to the sentimental attachment that she has for it. I'll start off proceedings with a $10,000 donation. Who is next? Respectfully, Anonymous Well-wisher and Gazette Reader 'OBITUARY ' Furio-Giunta Joined the Mafia on the 17th August Died 22nd October The Funeral was held at The Cathedral of Saint Anthony in Chicago at the request of Furio’s widow, CarmelaDeAngelis-Giunta. Many mourners came to pay their respects, with the majority of the Chido family turning out. Other members of the community also paid their respects to the dead hoodlum, including Randle_McM, descendant of the celebrant of Furio and Carmela’s wedding and Miguel, noted Tanzini founder and respected member of the community who also left a message of respect and condolences. Furio was a well-respected member of the community, member of the Chido family and leader of one of the sub crews. He was a man of honour and integrity with an intelligent wit that made him an interesting conversationalist and debater. He was involved in the Commission at the request of his Boss, and proved to be a worthy member, his logic and reason always seen to be fair and well thought through. His rank barely reflected the persona he projected, with all the qualities of a True Mafioso shining through for any to see. He was a credit to his family, and this was shown by the tributes paid at his funeral. He was recently married and had not long returned from a world cruise with his new bride when a member of his sub crew was attacked and killed. His sense of honour made him hunt down the killer and attempt to exact revenge, however he was unable to and was unfortunately shot down in the attempt. His widow, Carmela would like to thank all those who attended the funeral or sent messages of condolence on the passing of her beloved husband. She also said, “He is sorely missed. He was one of the few Men of Honour left in society, and the world is a lesser place without him.” 'WE HEAR THAT… ' hGossip column by: Trixie … Gossip columnist Trixie was last seen heading out on a date with a tall gentleman on Friday Night. She’s been very quiet since and we wonder if there is more than just a bottle of wine keeping Trixie from her desk. 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Anyone wishing to place an ad should send it in to CarmelaDeAngelis at the Gazette Offices in Chicago. All ads are free, but must still fall within the set guidelines. 02:27, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:27, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:27, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:27, February 15, 2013 (UTC) ***** Horses For Sale ***** 1 Mister King $500,000 2 Silver Flash $500,000 3 Stormy Snake $1,000,000 4 Sexy Chick $800,000 5 Retarded Me $400,000 6 Famous Flyer $1,250,000 7 Thirsty Victory $360,000 8 Naked Whiskey $380,000 Will discount for multi-buys! 02:27, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:27, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:27, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:27, February 15, 2013 (UTC) 'Anyone wishing to submit articles should do so by 10am Mafia time on the day of publications. Articles will be paid for on an individual basis. Please contact CarmelaDeAngelis, Editor of The Mafia Gazette, at the Gazette Offices, Chicago. All articles must conform to the guidelines available in the booklet “Newspaper Recruiting” available on the newsstand. '